The problem with sleep...

I have been suffering from insomnia for the last week and I have managed to get sleep by drinking until I was so tired I passed out. Unfortunately, this method is counterproductive. I don't want to drink a six pack a night and I definitely don't want to deal with a hangover when I am watching the girls, so.....what to do? I tried counting sheep, listening to relaxing music, going to my happy place, reading and just about everything else you can think of but nothing seems to be working. I nap during the day and it doesn't help. I stay up all day, even if I haven't slept all night, and it doesn't help. I work out and it makes sleeping at night more difficult. I don't work out and stay at home all day and I'm still awake at 3 am watching a Pauly Shore marathon.(Desperation makes you make poor movie choices.) On days that I drink coffee, I'm tired and can't sleep, on days that I don't I'm still tired and can't sleep. Now...let me make clear what I believe sleep to be. Sleep, in my definition, is more than 3 hours of uninterrupted brain rest. Anything else is a nap, not sleep. This afternoon for example, I tried desperately to get some sleep. The girls went down for a nap at 2:15pm so I lied down. By 3pm I was looking at the clock wondering if I should get online and research the Great Depression. Finally at 3:30-3:45pm I heard the girls crying in the other room. I waited for a few minutes to see if they would go back to sleep and then got up to get them. Andrea beat me to it and thus I went back to bed. From 4pm-5:30pm I napped. From 5:30 to 7pm I lied in my bed tossing and turning, trying desperately to get back to sleep. After an hour and half of thinking and turning...I got up and took a shower. This sucks! It is very difficult to suss out why this is happening. I am super happy. I love my life and I am not anxious about anything. I just can't stop the thought processes. They aren't even always really intellectual thoughts, sometimes they are just random things. Why do they give you 10 hot dogs but only 8 hot dog buns? What's the best way to grow tomatoes? Should we get a dog? What am I going to wear tomorrow? Should I have eggs or cereal for breakfast? Sometimes it's even just statements like...I should call mom tomorrow or Maybe I'll take the girls to the dog park in the morning or even, I should do more yoga. I don't know what is making my brain so active, but whatever it is, it's keeping me from sleep. As I am writing this, it is almost 1 am and if you factor in my 1.5 hour nap, I have slept 5.5 hours in the last 40. By the looks of this evening, it will be a while before I can achieve REM status so...we'll see how long this lasts. Any thoughts would be appreciated as, it's obvious, I don't have any answers.

That's my man! Barack Obama! I love this picture. Everything is under control!

Thoughts on Love Skewed by Country Music

This blog will be forever known as my confession blog:
I watched American Idol tonight (#1) and it was the elimination round for the Grand Ole Op'ry week. Because it takes 2 minutes to say who has been eliminated the geniuses at FOX fill up the hour with actual musicians of the genre. I have to say I love country music. (#2) I saw Brad Paisley sing his new song "Then" and normally I think he looks a little bit like one of the rats from The Secret of NIHM (#3) but when he started singing I became strangely attracted to him. (#4) I'm watching and feeling my eyes start to swell and my throat close up a little (#5) and then I realize...it isn't Brad Paisley..it's the damn song! I have spent the last year and a half of my life trying to discover what I think love is or isn't and, truth be told, it hasn't been an easy process. Now I know what has been messin' me up. It's the country music! Every song in country music is meant to tell a story. Usually that story has something to do with love. Love of tractor, love of beer but often times love of a person. As the song finished, it dawned on me that I have been listening to country songs since I was a kid and all my thoughts on love have been subliminally altered by the lyrics. No wonder I have been disappointed in all my past relationships. (#6) Who the hell can live up to lyrics like, "I'm not a man who's ever been insecure about the world he's been living in/I don't break easy/ I have my pride/ but if you need to be satisfied/I'm Shameless"? Or the classic "I'll make you happy/make you dreams come true/walk to the ends of the earth for you/to make you feel my love" ? No real guy ever stood a chance. Granted, up until lately, the caliber of men I dated were more Larry the Cable Guy less Garth Brooks(#7)....but even so. My mind has been brainwashed into believing love should be like country music and that just isn't always true. (I wanted to say-isn't ever true--but it has to be true sometimes because some one has to feel that way to write those lyrics so either they are delusional or they really feel that kind of earth shattering love.) Now I wonder if I am not completely jaded and cynical for believing that the kind of love these artists sing about is not a love that will stand the test of time. Garth Brooks left his wife and kids to marry Trisha Yearwood and statistically country boys are more likely to cheat. So is it just music? Is it creative license? Whatever it is, I'm onto you now country music! No more manipulating me! It's time to stand up against the impossible love and go for the more reasonable choice. Give me Motown or give me death!

It's here!

I got my car today! This is happy news. I haven't had a car since 2003 and I am finding the whole thing a little surreal. I feel like a teenager who just got her very first car. I washed it, got new windshield wipers (which I can't put on) , new mats and even one of those air fresheners that smells like vanilla. More than the car itself, the items in the car make me super happy. My grandmother had a vanity (place to put on make-up...for those of you who don't know what a vanity is) and I used to sit there for hours when I was a kid. I would put on her make-up, her perfume and all her jewelry. It made me feel like I was famous. It's mine now and although it needs some work, I am so excited. Also, as a surprise, my Dad put my grandfather's Shakespeare collection in the back seat. I have been admiring them for years and Pappy always said I could have them because I would be the only one who would truly appreciate them. They aren't worth anything but sentimentally they are priceless. Today was a good day for gifts. Thanks DAD!

Blog Blocked...

This is my third attempt to blog in the last week................................maybe four is my magic number.